A little IVF round 2 update, a long overdue one! So — where am I at in this cycle? In a nutshell? Still on meds, and awaiting the big embryo transfer day! But, there has been some news!
Before we talk about the news though, a confession. Truth be told I thought I had this cycle in the bag. Thought I was doing so well handing it all! Thought I was above letting it make me crazy this time around… but. I was wrong. This last week has been hard. Really hard… and I’ve been mess. Emotionally. Physically. A mess. It’s affecting my work. I don’t like to admit it but I caved a bit to the pressure of it all this week. The side effects of the meds, the stress of scheduling my shots while Troy is out of town, a crazy schedule, already anticipating how stressful the wait after the transfer will be, how I will handle the news if it isn’t in our favor. Trying to pull it together over here, but I have to say thank you to my sweet clients for your understanding and to the friends that have come down to visit and helped keep me distracted ❤
The news — We were delayed from our original hopeful transfer date of March 25th-ish… so my drug schedule was extended, and we waited. I went in for weekly checkups. Not much happened… until March 30th! On March 30th I had a checkup in Allentown, and it was the news we had been waiting for after having been delayed a handful of times because my body wasn’t responding exactly as it was supposed to be. So, later that day after awaiting the news of my latest bloodwork a few hours I got the call. Green light for embryo transfer! That call from my nurse consisted of a whole lot of note taking on times, med changes, and blur. Embryo transfer was scheduled for April 9th!!! We chose to transfer one embryo. Our highest graded embryo — we will know the sex of that embryo because of our extensive PGD chromosome testing on our embryos.
So, now what? My meds are in high gear right now. A handful of pills and 2-3 injections a day. On April 8th I will go in for a final ultrasound and blood work, my meds will change a bit again, then if all goes as planned we will head to RMA of NJ for our transfer on April 9th. Then we will wait. I’m not great at waiting, but who is? In all of this so much is hard, but nothing is harder than those days of not knowing if sinking my soul and so much money into this cycle will end in a healthy pregnancy. Of course we hope and pray it will, I try not to dwell (too much) on what will have to happen if we don’t. If it will knock me off my feet. If I’ll be strong enough to handle that gracefully. I try not to get too excited, because I fear that means if it doesn’t work it hurts even more. I’ve had hundreds of negative pregnancy tests in my hands in the 6ish years we tried to conceive Madilynne. So, knowing that there are no guarantees in any cycle, I am cautiously optimistic.
On April 18th I will have my first HCG test in Allentown. Now that we have the transfer date set, the next big date is looming in the distance. I hope to be back with some exciting news shortly thereafter!
Thank you from the bottom of my heart to those of you that have reached out with words of encouragement! I appreciate you more than you know ❤
I haven’t gotten the big camera out at all since my meds arrived, but I have been sharing some random updates in Instagram, as promised!
Day 1 of the big guys joining the hormone party in the books + @carla_lanzone87 got my nails all embryo transfer ready today! Care to guess what color we used for my nails, and the two tiny baby feet she painted on for me are #pio #infertilityawareness #infertilityjourney #infertilitysucks #infertility #ivfjourney #ivffet #ivfmeds #ivfround2 #ivfcycle #shotsshotsshots
The walls of this cycle seem to have come crashing down around me in the last few days. I’m struggling. I was doing so well. Felt like I really had it together this time. The last few days the weight of it all is sitting in a heavy pit on my chest. I actually uttered the words “I don’t think I can do this” in a fear and hormone induced fit to Troy last night. Tomorrow all hormones are jumping in the party and we are full steam ahead for transfer on the 9th. Alarm is set for new early morning meds doses. Tomorrow’s a new day. Get it together, Jessica. #ivf #ivffet #ivfmeds #ivfcycle #ivfround2 #ivfjourney #infertility #infertilitysucks #infertilityjourney #infertilityawareness
Trying not to get myself all worked up about the big guns joining the party on Wednesday. But — It’s literally almost as long as my pinky finger. That .5 inch 30g needle on the left is what I’ve been using for the last month. That guy on the right. He scares me. He hurts. He causes welts and bunched up oil inside my muscle. He makes my skin numb for months at a time from repeated stabbings. I know in the scheme of things it’s ridiculous to get all anxious about 10.5 weeks of those 1.5 inch 22g needles. But. I’m a wimp. #crybabyprobs #ivfjourney #ivf #ivfround2 #ivfcycle #ivfmeds #ivffet #infertility #infertilitysucks #infertilityjourney
I pray for a day in the not so far off future where couples struggling to start or grow their families have support via insurance coverage for meds and procedures. This is the cost to refill ONE of my meds. Like many we have $0 in fertility treatment/drug coverage. Is it worth every penny? Yes. Does it suck? Yes. But — it’s sucks even more for those that have little to no coverage and no financial means to even consider IVF #infertilityjourney #infertilitysucks #infertility #ivfjourney #ivfmeds #ivfround2 #ivfcycle #ivffet #ivf
Friday cocktail Don’t be fooled by those little blue pills that appear to be the least menacing of the bunch. They’ve got me feeling all menopausal today. 16 more sleeps to transfer day + 6 more sleeps until my meds get upped again… and the monster #pio shots come out to play for what I hope will be about 10.5 weeks — cuz that will mean it worked #ivf #ivffet #ivfcycle #ivfround2 #ivfjourney #infertility #infertilitysucks #infertilityjourney #standishpartyoffive
Well this body finally got on board and we got the all clear to add estrogen to the hormone party last night Two more monitoring appointments and a boatload of fertility drugs stand between us and the big day (#embryotransfer day) on April 9th #fet #ivffet #ivfcycle #ivfround2 #ivfjourney #infertility #infertilitysucks #infertilityjourney #allthehormones
I was feeling bummed this morning for missing taking Madilynne to school for the first time because I had to be up before the sun and in my way to Allentown for monitoring. Then I got on the turnpike in the wrong direction because I was half asleep, and it was dark out. Double bummed. I finally arrive for another round of testing to determine where we go with this body that isn’t following directions… to find a sobbing woman in the parking lot. My heart hurts so bad for her Now I’m feeling like a total ass for feeling sorry for myself, and my craptastic start to the day. This place has that affect on me, always. It wasn’t too long ago I found myself sobbing alone in my car in the parking lot all too often after my appointments. This waiting room is full to the brim today. Full of hopeful women fighting through whatever gets thrown at them, jumping all the hurdles, pumping themselves with hormones, spending hours in the car a day for monitoring appointments, crying by themselves in the parking lot… all in effort to start or grow their families. I wish they all had a little Madilynne at home to lift them up in hard days, to give them hope, and fill them up with strength to keep going #madilynnejuliet #ivf #ivffet #ivfcycle #ivfround2 #ivfjourney #infertility #infertilitysucks #infertilityjourney